I don't want to come back down from this cloud. It's taken me all this time to find out what I need.

Time to kick my bad habits... 

I'm coming down off of the high of a good day. I've been doing a lot of things at my job lately that has some creative juices flowing. It has felt so good to finally feel positive after such a dark period. I started feeling better over the last two months or so. Before that I was just trying some days, and going through the motions on others.

I would like to say that I don't particularly like being single. I've never been one of those roguish men seeking conquest after conquest. Of course its nice to feel wanted and have everything that a relationship entails, but I have to admit that I needed to be single for a while. 

You see, I came out of a long term relationship over a year ago that turned dysfunctional towards the end. It was really hard to let go and move on, even after everything that happened. I became jaded. I became selfish. And I became anti-social. I probably needed to do those things for a while. Hell, it took everything that I could muster to not become self-destructive. Maybe I did all of those things so I could build a temporary shield around my psyche. But all of those things, well, they simply are not me. 

Writing has been therapeutic, even though most of what I have written won't be seen by anyone else's eyes but mine. The last thing that I want to do is make this blog about that past relationship. Its time to put the past behind me and move on. I feel that I have a lot to offer a woman. I've been inspired by Melanie to think of a list of what are deal-breakers in a future relationship. I suppose I'll try to work on that at some point. 

Mental note: Add making a list to the list. 

I don't feel 100% quite yet, but I think I am close enough that I can actually contribute to a healthy relationship. I will say, it feels nice finally being me again.